We all want to be remembered for something, to be known as more than merely ordinary. We all want to be known as someone who truly made a difference, to leave an imprint on this world and to leave behind something that can make the future a little brighter.
Last week, I asked you what you wanted your legacy to be. How would people fill in this sentence? "I just heard Jen passed. She was a…"
For me, I want people to say. “I just heard that Jen passed. Wow, she was an amazing example of what is possible.”
Full disclaimer, I stole that statement from Brooke Castillo.
It resonated with me so strongly. I felt it was worthy of stealing. This is what keeps me motivated to keep showing up for myself in life. Because when I show up for myself, I can show up better for others.
I am a better manager. A better friend. A better sister. A better daughter. A better contributor to society.
Did you know? You get to choose who you...
Alfred Nobel, the Founder of the Nobel Foundation, was also the inventor of dynamite. That's a fun fact, but it's the story behind the Foundation’s creation that makes it interesting.
When Nobel’s brother died, the local paper printed his obituary rather than his brothers. After reading his own obituary, Nobel became concerned about how he would be remembered after his death. On November 27, 1895, Nobel signed his will which left 94% of his total assets, (31,225,000 Swedish kronor, equivalent to 250 million U.S. dollars in 2008), to establish the five Nobel Prizes for outstanding achievements in physics, chemistry, medicine, literature, and working toward peace.
After I heard this story, I couldn’t help but think about my own legacy. How will people finish the sentence, “I just heard about Jen’s passing. She was a…”
What do you think people would say about you? What...
Technology is amazing!
Information is at the tip of our fingers at all times. Our phones are little computers. Do you need to learn something? Google it, and you will probably get 1.8M results. How great is that?!? Total game changer.
There is a dark side.
I was out for a walk yesterday. It was the first day of the year that you didn’t need a coat. There were so many people out, but I am hard pressed to say they were enjoying the day. More than half the people I walked by were looking at their phones.
A sadness washed over me.
I was talking to a young manager recently, and she commented: "My generation doesn't have an original thought."
We are so overloaded with information that we no longer give ourselves time to think. We are addicted to our cell phones. We are always taking in information but rarely give our brains time to process it.
When was the last time you thought on purpose?
A guy at work coined the term...
What makes your blood boil?
We all have emotional triggers. Identifying these triggers is essential.
Work can be stressful. There are deadlines, non-stop meetings, people, people’s emotions. Sometimes you are having a bad day. Maybe you didn’t sleep well, or your child is sick. Your team also has bad days. And while we all try to separate business from personal, it is almost impossible.
Developing your EQ (Emotional Intelligence) requires self-awareness. It means taking the time to figure out your emotional strengths and weaknesses. The next step is learning how to manage these emotions.
Remember you are entirely responsible for your feelings. Nobody makes you mad, sad, scared… You need to decide how you are going to respond to the challenging behaviors of others.
Here are some options. Think about which of these would work for you.
Keep things in perspective
It isn't the end of the world. Up to...
What’s your EQ?
If you research leadership theory, you are sure to have heard about Emotional Intelligence. Daniel Goleman introduced this concept in his book Emotional Intelligence. Goleman defines EQ as a combination of competencies that enable a person to manage their emotions and identify and deal with the feelings of others.
Emotional Intelligence is not a fad.
It is as important, if not more important, than IQ for success as a manager. You manage human beings who have emotions. And you are a human being with emotions.
What does emotional intelligence look like?
Here are some examples from Justin Bariso’s book, EQ Applied.
Emotional intelligence begins with self-awareness — the ability to recognize emotions (and their impact) in both yourself and others.
That awareness begins with reflection. You ask questions like:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
~ Stephen R. Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
When we are growing up, we are taught how to speak, write and read. In the workplace, there is a great deal of attention paid on our ability to speak effectively. We think about the words we are going to use, our tone, and our body language. We work on our presentation skills and how best to hook the audience.
But what about listening?
As a manager, your ability to listen is more important than your ability to speak. It doesn't receive the attention it deserves.
People want to be heard. Next, to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival – to be understood, to be affirmed, to be appreciated.
Covey states the when we are having a conversation with someone; we are usually listening at one of these four levels:
Last week, I wrote about giving up the need to be right. Boy howdy! That hit a nerve or two.
I get it.
For those of you who missed it, here’s a quick recap:
Brooke Castillo says entering a conversation with the intent of proving to someone that you are right, and they are wrong is indulgent behavior because it comes at the expense of the relationship. (I love this!)
So instead of going to battle, Brooke suggests:
How many of you will go to battle just to prove you are right in a situation? Come on, be honest. We have all done it at some point in our lives. We are human.
“The need to be right is indulgent.” – Brooke Castillo
It is indulgent because it comes at the expense of the relationship.
What does being right really get you? Really think about that. Think about a recent conversation you had where you couldn’t wait to tell the other person how right you were. How productive was that conversation? What did being right really get you?
Most likely, a false sense of power.
You probably felt better for a second and told yourself "Ha! I showed them." What about right after that thought? Do you feel like you really improved the relationship? Most likely, the other person walked away feeling crappy.
No one wins.
Talk about a barrier to effective communication.
I challenge you to give up the need to be right.
When I was a kid, I always loved the game of telephone. You know, the one where all the kids get in a line. The first person whispers a sentence to the person next to them, and that person passes the message onto the next and so forth. Usually, by the time the last person receives the message, it is totally different from the original sentence. Suddenly, “The sky is blue” turns into “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.”
Hysterical, as a kid.
Annoying as hell, as an adult.
This game is an excellent demonstration of communication and how it can go south very quickly. I say something. I think I am clear. You hear something. You interpret what you heard. Sometimes it is the same message; often, it’s not.
Communication can be so hard.
When we think of barriers to effective communication, we may think of the obvious: phones ringing, people talking, people looking at their cell phones, etc. However, I...
Last week, I introduced the Disc assessment’s four different communication styles and their characteristics:
Dominant – Decisive, Efficient, Intense, Result-oriented, Competitive, Risk-tolerant
Influencer – Outgoing, Enthusiastic, Persuasive, Relationship-oriented, Lively, Optimistic
Steady – Cooperative, Relaxed, Patient, Support-Oriented, Friendly, Thorough
Conscientious – Systematic, Logical, Reserved, Process-oriented, Cautious, Risk-averse
Each of us has one of these categories as our primary communication style. Unfortunately, everyone is not going to have the same manner as you so that means you must adjust your style to match the style of the person. And yes, it is up to the person doing the communication to adapt their style.
How do you do that?
Here are some things to keep in mind as you are communicating with each of these different styles:
→Inspiring your team to do their best work
→Giving up the need to micro-manage
→Having tough conversations without all the mental drama
→Having a life outside of work
→Enjoying your business again
I can help.
I’ve got a FREE 5 Day Training of proven techniques that will show you exactly how to Transform Your Business with Effective Leadership.