How to Lead

Mar 03, 2020

My guess is you found this blog because you have a desire to be a better leader. 

That is so awesome! 

So, let’s talk about what it means to lead.

Many people think that leadership is about getting other people to do what they want them to do in order to achieve a certain outcome.  

But that isn’t how I define leadership.

If you have been following me, you know I teach that one of the foundations of effective leadership is learning to manage yourself - managing your mind and the stories you tell yourself. 

I also teach you that you have zero control over other people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions.


You may be wondering, if that is true then how can anyone be a good leader?

I believe leadership comes from having confidence in yourself and your ideas.  It means showing up authentically as yourself and putting your ego aside.  Leading with the knowledge that the only person you can ever control is yourself.

Leadership is about having the confidence that allows you to share your vision with other people and being open to hearing other points of view and other ideas without resentment.  It’s about having the confidence to have the tough conversations. It’s about speaking the truth even when it is hard.

Leadership is not about manipulating other people into agreeing with you. It’s not about using other people as a stage on which to prove your merit either to yourself or to others.

When you don’t have confidence in yourself and you are focused on controlling what the other people think or do, you’re going to take everything so personally and lose focus on what really matters.

That’s the opposite of effective leadership.

Unfortunately, that’s what a lot of us do. Whether we realize it or not, many of us are telling ourselves, “I have to control these people and make them do what I want.”  And then when they don’t do what we want, we make it mean something about us, our value as a leader.    

But when you show up authentically as yourself and are truly open to other ideas and feedback, you give your team permission to do the same.  And in return, they will show up confidently knowing they can present their ideas without fear of reprimand or judgment. 

My friend, that is the kind of team that gets it done.

When you remember that your only goal is to show up as yourself and tell the truth as you see it, life becomes so much easier.

As a leader, that’s really your only job.




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